People pleasing is a disease and BOLD boundaries is the cure

January 19, 2018


 




Raise your hand if you have ever found yourself doing something, in your heart, you didn’t want to but you felt your commitment to love or serve others required you to. Of course I have both hands waving in the air. I threw a foot up too.

I am on a 6am flight I should not be on. I am headed to a city I don’t want to go to. I am reacting to an emergency call from someone who doesn’t like or respect me. So why am I here?

The 4 hour delay on the fareway gave me a lot of time to think. Every year, I vow to take better care of myself. But there I was doing what I have always done. I was running to the rescue of a person I liked even less than they liked me. I had never admitted that to myself before. And it was that admission that helped me to question why this was my pattern.

While every one else during the season struggled with flu, I had a different illness that was critical to my health. I was addicted to people-pleasing. The idea that I would help someone who didn’t like me earned me credit. The praises I received felt as tangible as money in the bank. And supporting people who openly disrespected me was double the currency. If they talked behind my back, lied to me and treated me with little regard, I could proudly say I had shown up for them despite their actions. And the admiration from those who witnessed my sacrifice meant more to me than it ever should have.

I had finally arrived to the moment where I recognized the dysfunction in that story. Admiration isn’t love. And being respected had finally become more important to me than being regarded as dependable. I had an illness and it was time to be my own healer. I called the outline I created for myself B.O.L.D. Boundaries. And this was my cure.

B
Boundaries are about self preservation not about alienation.
Be very clear with yourself about your physical and emotional limits.
Setting boundaries is medicine!

O
Once you accept you don’t have to make everyone like you, you open up the healthy boundary setting.
Openly communicate your expectations through your words and actions.
Saying “NO” is medicine!

L
Let go of the judgement for the person who once made unloving decisions - especially when that person is you!
Listen when your inner self speaks.
Forgiveness is medicine!

D
Don’t assume the way people have been is the best they can be. When you set boundaries, they will respect them or they make room for someone who can.
Raising your vibration is medicine!

 

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