Knowing when you are “the crutch” and putting an end to it.

January 19, 2018

Knowing when you are "the crutch" in relationships and putting an end to it.
It was not easy admitting my relationships were unhealthy. It took even more courage to accept I was responsible for the fact that I felt so used. Crutches have a function. When they are not necessary, you store them with things you hope to never use again. This device is not loved, protected, or valued. And who is ever happy to need crutches?

Over and over, you find yourself showing up to help people pay bills, fight a battle or overcome a crisis. When you need help, you notice the same people are not available for you. When this described many of my relationships, it was time to examine why I made decisions that did not result in the loyalty I deserved. Helping people was not wrong. Why I helped was a false story I would overcome. Like so many women, I depended on others to know my value. I believed I was unworthy of anything I did not work hard for. That included love, respect and admiration. Showing up for family and friends who could not show up for me was the only way I knew to earn what I wanted. But it never worked. Their need was the stunning Marilyn Monroe and I was only the crutches.

When you discover you are being used in relationships, the first response is usually anger targeted at the perceived "user". It is easy to blame others when we give but fail to receive what we need in return. But there is always a story behind our choices. To overcome the toxic cycles, you must accept the reality of what you are doing and know why you are doing it. When you are armed with the "truth of why", forgiveness can happen. You create space in your life to heal brokenness and have healthy relationships instead. Your worth as a mother, sister, daughter or friend is not defined by your usefulness. Today is your day to end the story that says you are unworthy. It is time for you to live a reality of amazing relationships that are held up by mutual respect, genuine kindness and appreciation.

 

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