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"Will I ever feel worthy?" A journey to emotional freedom

How did this become my reality?

I rode the Perurail train, with panoramic views, across the Andes region of western South America. This was a trip of a lifetime to one of the 7 Wonders of the World. Periodically, between staring out at the untouched villages and ancient ruins across the Sacred Valley of the Incas, I glanced at the pages of a book I brought with me, “Now What?! Get Over yourself and Move!” by Dr. Angela Anderson.

The moment hit me as soon as I arrived to the top of Machu Picchu. After 5.3 miles and 12,671 steps, I stopped to witness the vast sanctuary. Perhaps it was the 7,970 ft. elevation or the effects of the cocoa tea but something Dr. Anderson said in her book, about naysayers, played over and over in my head.  

“Dogs do not bark at parked cars. The barking only begins when progress and movement is happening.” My reality is one of constant movement. I travel the world as a  brand ambassador for Vibram, an international leader in active footwear. I have a loving and supportive marriage, well educated children, a book, motivational speaking engagements around the globe and a successful career in an industry dominated by men. By all means, I give the dogs plenty to bark at. My life experience is a true example of a positive reality on the other side of our most difficult stories. And yet, I am here in the midst of this magical place asking myself questions cloaked in self doubt and guilt.  

“How did this become your reality?” “Should you be enjoying yourself when so many people are suffering?” “Why are you here? " "What have you done to deserve this?” “There are other people who need this more than you do!” “You better enjoy it while last. You never know when it will come to an end.” You travel from one continent to another, progessing from the housing projects to financial freedom, overcoming abusive relationships to live in love but the barking you hear does not come from outside naysayers. It is your own voice. Bark after bark, even exceptional life experiences are colored by tales of stories past.

My reality is, My life is answered prayer. My story is, I question whether I deserve the life I have. I know I am not alone. 

You walk your path weighed with guilt. It is difficult to enjoy the fruits of labor, the blessings, and grace because you question if you deserve it. You are uncomfortable living life boldly and joyfully in the midst of suffering. But, living bravely does not require you to have all the answers. Today I am here to tell you as a woman, mother, daughter, sister.... You are not alone in asking the question. "Will I ever feel worthy?" Now what?! The road to physical freedom is just part of the journey. Now I am on the path to emotional freedom.

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